Ask any alcoholic for the worst thing they’ve done while being drunk. Some say “sold my company” or “I slept with someone and I don’t remember who”; but mostly they all say- “I called up my past regrets and told them I love them. And then I cried”
Ever been so drunk that you drunk dialled customer care? Before you start judging me,in my defence, it was one of those nights . I was leaving the club after drinking under peer pressure. I was just the right amount of drunk. You know? The one where you know how to get home but feels like you are levitating above the rest of the world. On my way out, Vamsi, my friend, asked me to join him for one drink at his place.Just one more. To prove that I am a man and I care about feelings of fellow alcoholics, So, we got to his place for a drink and had 7 more.
Finally, I took a cab home, Before hitting the bed, I had to finish the bedtime rituals . You know, brushing teeth, checking out updates on Instagram, cross checking doors and windows to ensure cats don’t drink my orange juice. Yes! the cats near my house are very sophisticated. Scrolling through the Instagram timeline, I liked every photo on the way down; cuz Newton’s third law of social media, like someone’s photo and they will like yours back. Suddenly theInstagramm account froze. No photos were loading. I had no idea what was happening. An exclamation point appeared on the mobile network graph. Great! The connection’s down. How? Why? I mean why would Airtel do this? HOW COULD THEY?
So, I called customer care. The lady on the other end sounded rude and crudely mechanical, As though she was reading off a script. In the most unwelcoming voice she said “Press one for English”. How dare she tell me what to do? I hammered down ‘one’ on the screen, almost knocking the phone out of my own hand; pressed 2 after that for “internet related queries”; then 9 to talk to someone who is just as mechanical as the IVR lady. “Your call will be recorded”, sure… Not like I’m getting an option. Have you ever thought about how our conversations with customer care might be used by them? Yeah.. me neither. I hope that my call gets picked for “training purposes”.
A flute solo to start things off, or to test your patience; but I liked it and before I could shazam it my call got connected. I was both angry and happy at the same time, kind of felt like there was an unexpected holiday from work but it was a dry day! “Hi, my name is Harish, thank you for calling Airtel. How may I help you?” Oh shit, I forgot what I needed help with. My mind was jogging down memory lane and my voice was trying to stall with filler conversation. “Hey Harish. How are you? How is the weather at the call center?”. A confused voice replied “Very well sir. How may I help you?” Still wondering I took a long pause. Harish broke the silence and said “ Sir, if you don’t respond I’ll have to cut your call ”. I panicked, “No! Hey Harish! Don’t cut the call!” An awkward radio silence followed.
Harish-“Sir, are you there? Please respond.” With my memory playing Hide-n-seek, I panicked and cut the call drawing a deep, long breath. Ahhh! I was certain my call will be picked for “training purposes”
Flustered by the situation, I walked into my kitchen and drank some orange juice (The cat was nowhere in sight). I brushed my teeth again and climbed into bed with a feeling of tremendous deja-vu. Before I closed my eyes, it was time to open Instagram to apply Newton’s third law . After the app opened, a message appeared on the screen…“No Internet Connection!”.
Then it hit me. Oh SHIT!