[SHOCKING]: Cab driver makes no conversation, confuses passenger.

satire piece, based on true feelings

As the number of app-based taxi services show a surge in recent times (pun intended), there have been multiple complaints by daily commuters. Added to the issues of safety and timely service, cab drivers have been on various occasions, accused of being extremely social. A survey by the ‘Talking And Tale Telling Incorporated of India’ aka the TATTI of India conducted in 2016 — shows that cab drivers talk way more to their customers than to their own parents.

However, in a shocking turn of events, a cab driver from South-Bengaluru refused to make small talk with the passenger on board. Satish Paul (27), a resident of the area and a frequent user of Uber cabs was found sitting under a flyover in a state of distress after his cab driver did not make unwanted chit-chat with him about mundane life problems. As Paul’s financial problems have made it hard for him to attend therapy, he takes cabs on a daily basis instead. Paul says, “I have shuttle services to the office but I prefer to take a single cab and cause pollution because it helps me make better conversation. And it’s worth it!”. On the unfortunate Tuesday afternoon when Mr.Paul sat in his cab, he started with a polite icebreaker. “How are you, sir?” he asked and got no reply. “My arms froze in confusion and my heart began pounding in my chest as I pulled out my phone to hit the SOS button on the app,” said a baffled Mr.Paul.

The head of marketing of the cab service, Anirudh Joshi has refuted all accusations. “We do not hire drivers unless they’re overly chatty and undeniably extroverted” said Joshi. The cab driver from the incident, however, refused to comment when questioned about his unruly behaviour.

TATTI activist, Mrs.Shah has raised a petition on cause[dot]com website stating that all app-based cab services should have an emergency “Not-Talking” button on the app which will send a distress signal to the cab service, and send location and cab-details to an emergency contact if such a situation should arise again. The big question is: Are our cabbies just innocent ambiverts? Or is this coverup to a bigger scam?

Kritarth Srinivasan
 Writer / Standup Comedian / Mostly Distracted