How can I find out who’s stealing my lunch from the office fridge?

Comedian answer Quora questions.

Photo by valeria_aksakova — www.freepik.com

Note: On this segment of TheComicCurry Blog, we get comedians to answer questions from Quora.

Lunch stealing is a serious crime. If the government does the same things, its disguised as a “tax”. When your co-worker does it, its hard to bring the cops into this. It’s a matter of ‘why bring an outsider’ to solve a problem, Let fix it without a bribe.

Lunch stealing is an epidemic. I recently asked a friend working in a corporate office if she ever stole lunch from the common fridge. She gave me a reply that was both precise and shocking. She said “Sorry wrong number, Who is this?”. It was not a friend, it was a number I found in the office bathroom stall. But Here is the issue. We need a better system to get our lunch from going in the hands of the office Robin Hood. I’ve pen down a few thoughts that could help you.

Food Coma

The term as we all know as nothing to do with the medical condition of unexpected sleep. Its the nature of sleep we get from stuffing our bodies with more food than it needs. It’s a common observation from the days you deiced to make “Biryani plans!”. But what I am trying to imply is the actual process of putting someone to sleep. Only you, are aware that the food in the box contains medical tranquilizers. When the pasta in your box is victim to an Italian Job, the person will not know what hit them. Now, you may say… putting the tranquilizer also makes the food inedible for you. But here is the trick. You add it only to a certain piece of dressing or bread that you know about. When you see a fallen co-worker, you will know who it was.

Booby Trap

For those of you with the sense of humor of a high school kid, this has nothing to do with breasts. A booby trap as most of us know is a system that triggers itself by an unwanted/unexpected action. Place a spring action inside the box. This mechanism would tosses paint out on the person stealing your food. This will help you mark your John Doe. Make sure to use edible food color to ensure a leak does not ruin your food. When you have to open your own box, make sure to point it at a blank canvas. The collection of pain sprinkles can later sold as abstract art.

Hunger

It’s not what it sounds like. I am not suggesting you stop eating altogether. Give the impression you are suffering from perpetual hunger. Because as we all know… when it comes to winning sympathy, the only thing more efficient than a puppy GIFs is the look of hunger. Have you heard of the phrase “Kids are starving in Africa”? It’s abused by the pea-sized-brains of the world enough to belittled the entire cause behind it. Look hungry all the time. Master this skill by buying the acting Masterclass online. You gain enough attention to keep people away from your lunch box.

Eat Healthy

Back in school, my lunch-box was only attacked at by a swamp of kids when it was got something unhealthy. My protective mother would often send me to school with boiled veggies. She thought this would blanket the illusion of good health on us. On the days that my mother had a late start to the morning, she would pack my box with Maggi noodles. For some reason, instant noodles are a bigger want to school kids than well-made food. This logic could work again. Pack you box with boiled veggies or meat. On a few occasions, when the food has lessor flair than their life… they will stop coming to your box.

Order!

Why are you bringing food from home? It’s 2019. There are more food apps not eh app store than on the food options on the apps. There, I realise, I made food apps look a little lame, but you get the point. Why go through the trouble of making your food early in the morning? Why heat it in the re-afternoon? You can get the same loss of nutrition from a food-app. Here you only risk the food delivery person to take a few bits (ahem ahem) but, how often could that happen?


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