Journalist quits job after Tamiur Ali Khan does nothing all day.

satire, based on true feeling.


On the 20th of December 2016, film stars Kareena Kapoor and Saif Ali Khan brought into the world the biggest media-jerk-off of the generation. The Bollywood couple could not share the news about the birth of their son on the family WhatsApp group, because media houses had already called it breaking news. Ever since, there has been a constant battle of unwanted storied between all media houses.

Little over a year old now, Timur does not have much to contribute to the paparazzi. Unlike a puppy that can roll over or ‘give-handshake’, this toddler has been in the news for being a toddler. Parents never want to miss the first steps of their child or the first words they speak… even the India media (like a guardian angel) have not missed a moment. One such “journalist” is a person called Mohan Das.

Mr. Das was super excited when he was assigned the stalker/reporting responsibility of the star kid. He was the same person who shared the news with Saif’s mother when the kid was born. When being asked “Who is this?”, he yelled “wrong number” and cut the call. Das was loyal to the news house and takes his assignments very seriously. In 2014 when he offered to go cover the campaign of the Prime Minister. He said he would prefer to stand outside of Galaxy Apartment and write a piece on the reaction of Bhai Fans on the 2014 elections.

Das decided to quit this line of work after the spending a whole week in the bushes behind Fortune Hight in Bandra, the residence of Saif and Kareena. He did not see the one-year-old do anything news-worthy and began to question his life choices. This is the same person who would squat with a telephoto lens in his hand for hours. Just to get a glimpse of the kid doing something inconsequential. He even suffered serious health problem because of his ungodly work hours. But nothing could shake the spirits of this creepy-cuteness-hunting-sniper.

He recently told us, he missed the birth of his own child. I was on the same day Timur was sipping juice out of a straw for the first time. He is one of those journalists who put work before personal life.

When we asked Das why he deiced to leave this job to become a full-time slam poet, he said: “It’s not the same anymore. When Abhishek and Ash had their kid, I was the local hero. I used to share the news that mattered. Today’s generation does not understand sensational journalism. They are so blinded by development and political news. No one is keeping an eye on the real issues like celeb-brawls, star kids and Koffee with Karan”. Das has deiced to do full-time slam poetry now. He wants to use the art to send out a message. He clearly wants to continue to live under the illusion of making a difference.


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